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The Culture War

Chapter 8 - Woke Culture (The Culture War)

Jan Oosthuizen

• 36 min read
Chapter 8 - Woke Culture (The Culture War)

What is it?

Woke is an adjective derived from African-American Vernacular English (AAVE) meaning “alert to racial prejudice and discrimination“.[1][2] Beginning in the 2010s, it came to encompass a broader awareness of social inequalities such as sexism and LGBT rights. Woke has also been used as shorthand for some ideas of the American Left involving identity politics and social justice, such as white privilege and slavery reparations for African Americans.[3][4][5] 

The phrase stay woke has been present in AAVE since the 1930s. In some contexts, it referred to an awareness of social and political issues affecting African Americans. The phrase was uttered in recordings from the mid-20th century by Lead Belly and, post-millennium, by Erykah Badu. 

The term woke gained further popularity in the 2010s. Over time, it became increasingly connected to matters beyond race such as gender and other marginalized identities. During the 2014 Ferguson protests, the phrase was popularized by Black Lives Matter (BLM) activists seeking to raise awareness about police shootings of African Americans. After the term was used on Black Twitter, woke was increasingly used by white people, who often used it to signal their support for BLM; some commentators criticized this usage as cultural appropriation. The term became popular with millennials and members of Generation Z. As its use spread internationally, woke was added to the Oxford English Dictionary in 2017. 

 

In some varieties of African-American English, woke is used in place of woken, the usual past participle form of wake.[8] This has led to the use of woke as an adjective equivalent to awake, which has become mainstream in the United States.[8][9] 

 

2014–2015: Black Lives Matter[edit] 

Following the shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, the phrase stay woke was used by activists of the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement to urge awareness of police abuses.[4][26][25] The BET documentary Stay Woke, which covered the movement, aired in May 2016.[27] Within the decade of the 2010s, the word woke (the colloquial, passively voiced past participle of wake) obtained the meaning ‘politically and socially aware’[28] among BLM activists.[8][26] 

 

2015–2019: Broadening usage[edit] 

While the term woke initially pertained to issues of racial prejudice and discrimination impacting African Americans, it was appropriated by other activist groups with different causes.[5] While there is no single agreed-upon definition of the term, it came to be primarily associated with ideas that involve identity and race and which are promoted by progressives, such as the notion of white privilege or slavery reparations for African Americans.[29] Vox‘s Aja Romano writes that woke evolved into a “single-word summation of leftist political ideology, centered on social justice politics and critical race theory“.[4] 

Wikipedia 

 

In plain language it means to be aware and alert to prejudices and discrimination against minorities. It focuses on race, gender, and other inequalities. 

 How it is now?

A culture war is a cultural conflict between social groups and the struggle for dominance of their values, beliefs, and practices.[1] It commonly refers to topics on which there is general societal disagreement and polarization in societal values. 

Its contemporary use refers to a social phenomenon in which multiple social groups, holding distinct values and ideologies, attempt to steer public policy in opposition to each other.[2][3] Thus a culture war now describes “hot button” or “polarizing” social issues in politics.[4] A culture war is defined as “the phenomenon in which multiple groups of people, who hold entrenched values and ideologies, attempt to contentiously steer public policy.”[3] Culture wars often delve around wedge issues, often based on values, morality, and lifestyle which often lead to political cleavage.[4] 

Etymology

The term culture war is a loan translation (calque) of the German Kulturkampf (‘culture struggle’). In German, Kulturkampf, a term coined by Rudolf Virchow, refers to the clash between cultural and religious groups in the campaign from 1871 to 1878 under Chancellor Otto von Bismarck of the German Empire against the influence of the Catholic Church.[5] The translation was printed in some American newspapers at the time.[6] 

Wikipedia 

 

The woke culture is a protesting culture, a cancel culture, trying to normalise ungodliness. 

How should we respond?

At this present there is an agenda to bring widespread division between people. 

 

John 10:10 

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. 

1 Peter 5:8 

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 

 

Christ Brings Division 

Matthew 10:34 -38 

34 “Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. 35 For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; 36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ 37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. 

 

John McArthur 

If you think evangelism is a somewhat arduous task in that environment, you’re right. We face a culture that has rejected absolute truth and now considers it stylish to openly embrace and encourage degrading passions. The ecumenical, syncretistic spirit of the age recoils in horror at the exclusive claims of Christ. And popular, evangelical seeker-sensitive churches only make the task more difficult by refusing to confront sin in an effort to make the “unchurched” sinner comfortable. 

https://www.gty.org/library/articles/A177/how-to-confront-the-culture 

 

In the world but not of it

We are in the world, but we are not to live like the world lives. We are to be salt and light. 

John 17:13 – 15 

13 But now I come to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves. 14 I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. 15 I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. 

 

Christian culture contains elements of faith and obedience. 

James 2:26 

For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also. 

 

John 14:21 

21 He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.” 

 

Signs of the times

2 Timothy 3 :1-5

Perilous Times and Perilous Men 

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 

 

Galatians 5:19-23 

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

 

Our response

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 

It is important to keep in mind that we are in a spiritual war and we need to act accordingly. We do not fight in the flesh, we fight in the spiritual realm through prayer, warfare prayer, worship and fasting. The battle is the Lords and He will give the victory. We are not without hope, we have hope of salvation and victory.

Eph 6:10 – 20

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.

If this is battle is a battle of order, then repentance is the key to the solution. The key is for people to repent and turn to Christ. 

 

Romans 1:16 – 17 

For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “The just shall live by faith.” 

The prevalence of sexual misconduct and the life-altering harm it leaves in its wake. The statistics are indeed staggering, and various academic studies confirm that. A 2011 report by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), for instance, estimated that nearly 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men had been raped in their lifetimes. It’s like a wildfire spreading uncontrollably, scorching everything in its path, but leaving behind victims who must navigate their lives through its ashes. Experiencing any form of sexual abuse is undeniably one of the most excruciating violations, primarily because it often involves someone from within our circle of friends or family.  

One of the most profound and challenging aspects of human relationships is the experience of rejection in its various forms. Rejection can take on many dimensions, including physical, racial, economic class, gender, religion, personality, and values-based rejection. It can also manifest in extreme and hurtful ways, such as bullying and verbal abuse. 

We have hence all experienced relational hurt in one form or the other.  Why do some people find it easier, and others harder to overcome these painful experiences? 

I believe it has something to do with the way people can overcome offence, forgive, and eventually grow stronger to stand up for themselves in a righteous manner.  

Transgressional Sin

When we are wronged—particularly in such a devastating way—the hurt doesn’t just form a stagnant pool; it flows outward like a river, affecting various aspects of our lives and often leading to what I describe as “transgressional sin.” This concept aligns well with biblical principles, particularly the idea that sin is often the result of brokenness. Ephesians 4:26-27 advises, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Forgiveness, in this light, is a form of divine therapy. A key to unlocking the chains that bind us to our pain and our subsequent transgressions. It’s like applying a salve to a festering wound—not only to treat the surface pain but to get rid of the underlying infection that makes us spiritually sick. The wisdom in practising forgiveness is also supported by modern psychology. A study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine in 2005 found that forgiveness is associated with lower levels of stress and mental health symptoms.

But, ah, forgiveness is a tough nut to crack, isn’t it? For the secular world, it often means letting go for one’s well-being, like choosing not to carry a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else—you are the one who gets burned. For a Christian, it’s more complex. The directive comes not just from a logical standpoint but as a heavenly mandate (Matthew 6:14-15).

Now, I hear the murmurs of counter-arguments: “Why should victims bear the burden of forgiveness? Isn’t it another form of victim-blaming?” These concerns are valid and shouldn’t be swept under the rug. But the hard reality is that the road to healing often starts with the one who is hurt. It’s like being stuck in a maze; others can shout directions from above, but ultimately, you’re the one who has to navigate through it. The task of forgiveness, therefore, is not to absolve the perpetrator but to liberate the victim.

It’s essential to understand that forgiveness is not a free pass for the one who has done wrong. Acts of sexual misconduct should be dealt with justly, and the perpetrators should face the consequences. This is crucial for a society’s moral fabric, akin to pillars supporting a bridge—take one out, and the entire structure could collapse. In Christian terms, Romans 12:19 advises us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.”

The hidden root of offence

In the same way, that an octopus hides (through clever camouflage) you will never know it is there, Offense takes root in our hearts, capturing us to do the will of satan. (2 Tim 2:26) When you try to remove an octopus, it defuses a dark cloud of ink, to even more obscure your view. It is not easy to see and recognize offence in one’s heart. Not even reading these notes will reveal it. The octopus is highly territorial and will defend its position. You must ask the Holy Spirit to expose the root and stone of offence in your heart. You will also need to study the characteristics and symptoms to help you discover the secret root of offence in your consciousness and attitude. But knowing it is there and seeing the signs still does not bring freedom, you uproot the source of offence. You have to act according to the way of Christ and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you out of the trap of satan.

Offended people produce satanic evil fruit, such as hurt, anger, outrage, jealousy, resentment, strife, bitterness, hatred, and envy. Some of the consequences of taking offence are insults, attacks, wounding, division, separation, broken relationships, betrayal, and backsliding.

Offense: “Skandalon” – laying a trap in someone’s way. The Greek word has the meaning of the little stick, used to catch birds. When people hurt us, it is a test, a potential trap. We should become wise and alert to see through the plans of the enemy, and not allow ourselves to be captured.

The ink/smoke screen the enemy uses to disguise is pride. Pride keeps us from dealing with the truth. It distorts our vision. We can never change when we think everything is fine. Pride hardens our hearts and dims the eyes of our understanding. It keeps us from the transformation of heart—repentance—that will set us free.

No matter the scenario, we can divide all offended people into two major categories: (1) those who have been treated unjustly and (2) those who believe they have been treated unjustly.

Psalm 55:12–14 It’s the ones closest to us that hurt us the most. Sometimes it is family! Church family, natural family, and close friends are the ones that hurt us because our defences are often down towards these insiders. We tend to pretend more towards those outside, but the ones closest to us they see the true-self, when we are tired, lazy, and self-indulgent. Intimacy is to be totally transparent without fear of being judged. “naked and not ashamed.”

We take offence when:

  1. We have false expectations – of someone, of God, and of ourselves. God always tells us straight what we are getting ourselves into, not to create false expectations. (John 16:1) An expectation that does not come to fulfilment leads to disappointment. (Prov 13:12)
  2. Our inner picture clashes with the outward appearance. Friends and family/spouse do not see/understand us. We feel they should know our heart. Jesus spend 3 years with His disciples, and they did not get it, until after His resurrection. They slept, while He was in agony. They did not get the fact that He must suffer and die.
  3. We are opinionated – (Rom 12:16) High-minded, wise in your own opinion. Wisdom of the World (1 Cor 1 & 2). The things of the Kingdom, does not always make sense to the natural mind. (1 Cor 1:18-31) You need to know and study the Word of God, through the revelation of the Spirit, to get to know God, and understand His ways.
  4. We do not like or agree with the demands of the gospel, fear of suffering. (2 Tim 3:12) The word of God will be tested in your life. When you start doing right, believing and obeying the Word, there will be opposition. Expect it!
  5. We Reject Correction because of pride – Not legitimate sons – Hebrews 12. True sons receive and ask for correction. We love to please our father, and corrections bring change and growth.
  6. We listen to rumors based on lies, agreements. (Lev 19:16; 1 Tim 5:13; Prov 17:9; 18:8; 20;19)
  7. We trust our own feelings. (Prov 16:25)
  8. We do not love sincerely – love is not easily offended (1 Cor 13:5).
  9. We are not rooted and grounded in the Word of Truth – Eph 4:15. The more we know the Word, and discover the truth, the more we mature in God, to no longer be tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine. We look and judge, and proof our lives, and people through the Bible. The Word heals our perspective to look at people without filters of offence, human judgment, preconceived ideas, racism, exclusivity, and pride.
  10. We are too sensitive – have not died to the flesh (Pro 14:17) (Love is not touchy).
  11. We try to hide sin & disobedience. Sin is deception and will always try to self-justify, and be self-righteous, vindicating self.
  12. We have been exposed to false doctrine, false prophecy and false teaching. Many people became disillusioned because of false teachings. (2 Cor 11:13; Gal 2:4; Col 2:16 23; 2 Pet 2:1-18)

How do you deal with offenses:

Study (Luk 17:1-7) to see the steps, of how you should deal with offenses.

We cannot help, and prevent offenses to come: v1 “Temptations (snares, traps set to entice to sin) are sure to come” Scott Peck says in the first line of chapter one, (the road less traveled) “Life is an obstacle course” But surely when we fall from an obstacle, we do not remain on the ground crying and complaining. We do get up again, and we try again, until we succeed! Many people do never get over life’s hurts and offenses and remain in their own self-made prison of resentment, bitterness, and anger. They make vows in their heart, to be never be hurt again, ending up isolated and distant from the very sources of provision and personal growth.

Although God does not give offense, He uses offense to make as emotionally and spiritually mature. The enemy uses offense to stop us from growing and maturing. The obstacle course is not your enemy, it can became your friend and coach that make you stronger, if you learn to embrace the pain.

v3 “Take heed to yourselves” You must take responsibility of your won well-being. Yes your parents are supposed to look after you and help you, but if they for some reason cannot help and support, do not moan and groan. Get up and do something. Neither is your spouse responsible for your happiness. Yes a husband should take care, cherish and love you. But you yourself are responsible, to become complete in His love first. God is love, and it his Love that complete and fulfills us. (Ephesians 3:16-20)

v3b If your brother sins against you, REBUKE HIM; and if he repents, forgive him. The emphasis in this portion of scripture is to correct wrong behavior. Because of our hurt, we focus so much on our own pain, that we do not in the end are able to help the offender to change. RESTORATIVE JUSTICE is an approach to justice that aims to involve the parties to a dispute and others affected by the harm (victims, offenders, families concerned and community members) in collectively identifying harms, needs and obligations through accepting responsibilities, making restitution, and taking measures to prevent a recurrence of the incident and promoting reconciliation. – See more at: http://www.justice.gov.za/rj/rj.html#sthash.ghXRR2QC.dpuf

This is I believe God’s primary reason, why we need to overcome offense, so that we can help the offender on a path of healing. This is how we break the cycle of retaliation, where people continue to hurt another because we ourselves have been hurt.

This is the gift of repentance that Paul speaks about to the Corinthian church. “You have been made sorry” (2 Cor 7:9) “For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation” (v10) “you sorrowed in a godly manner:

– What diligence it produced in you, (speúdō – Careful, Diligence, earnest effort)

– what clearing of yourselves, (apología; to give an answer or speech in defense of oneself)

– what indignation, (aganáktēsis – under a great burden which results in indignation what fear, reverance)

– what vehement desire, (epipothéō – to desire earnestly. Earnest desire, strong affection)

– what zeal, (zḗlou – to be hot, fervent. Zeal, used in a good sense

– what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter (v11) (hagnós – Freedom from defilements or impurities)

The healing and complete restoration of the offender is the redemptive purpose of God. Repentance is a gift from God but Esau could not find it. “he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears” (Heb 12:17) When God works repentance, it brings lasting change. When studying the abovementioned list, it names all the ingredients necessary for the sinner to come free. Oh how wonderful to witness the greatest miracle – salvation! A Life changed and transformed! (2 Cor 5:17) The Holy Spirit convicts us of sin, righteousness and judgment. (Joh 16:8) He works this change in us. Not just bringing conviction of sin, but also convincing us of our right standing before God, having no fear of judgment.

I believe when we arrive at this place regarding sin, we will be willing to: a) humble ourselves b) be 100% truthful and honest c) obey and follow instructions. He works it in us.

Get to the root of the offense

There is no reconciliation between God and man without blood. Through the blood of Christ we have been atoned, reconciled. Rom. 5:10-11, the word ‘reconcile’ used in this passage means to change a person for the purpose of being able to have fellowship together. The verb katallássō is found only in Rom. 5:10; 1 Cor. 7:11; 2 Cor. 5:18- 20, and the subst. katallagḗ (G2643) is found in Rom. 5:11; 11:15; 2 Cor. 5:18, 19. The word implies two people who are at variance with each other and who are brought together because of a change that occurs. When the words are used in reference to the variance that exists between God and man, the change never occurs in God, but always in man who is the sinner. This is the meaning of the verb in Rom. 5:10, “We were reconciled to God by the death of his Son; much more, being reconciled we shall be saved by his life.” Such reconciliation to God necessitates His changing us, through the new birth (John 1:12; 3:3). It is also the meaning of the subst. in Rom. 5:11, “And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement [katallagḗ, reconciliation.

1) The Blood – There can thus be no reconciliation unless there is blood. Blood represent repentance and forgiveness. You cannot leave errors and sin without speaking up, and repent. You need to humble yourself! You need to go low! This is the only way to deal with offense! Only blood can remove the stone of offense. In order for you to forgive completely, and actually forget the hurt, you need to repent. Repent of the offense taken: bitterness, hardness, unforgiveness, criticism, alienation, resentment, fear of man, ungodly vows, pride. These negative emotions and actions is the fuel that keeps the memory-fire of the offense going. Once the fire gets no more new fuel/logs to burn, it dies out naturally. The oxygen that feeds the fire of offense burning in our hearts, are these specific sins, and un-Christlike actions and feelings.

2) Confront and verify the truth – Keep on engaging and maintain contact. Most of the time when we offended, we either attack or we flee. Both these attempts have disastrous results. People, who are in covenant relationship with each other, do not have the privilege to disengage! In the covenant ritual, an animal is killed. This is to symbolize that in the same way that after our death we cannot change our will and testament, in the same way we CANNOT break this covenant. We are instructed to break relationship with believers who have sinned (1 Timothy 6:3-5; 1 Corinthians 5:11-13; Romans 16:17 But the intention is to bring the brother or sister to repentance. (2 Cor 2:5-8) These disciplinary actions are temporary of nature, seeking repentance and change. God’s Judgment is eternal.

3) Do not symphonize (agree) with a person who is offended. Do not listen nor agree with their accusations. The person discussed is not physically present to explain their side of the story, or able to defend. Beware that a secondary offense is much more vehement than the original. Have compassion! Compassion and love moves you to do something about the problem. Bring the parties together, and be the facilitator, peacemaker that reconcile. (Mat 5:8) Blessed are the peace makers.

4) Take back your boldness, entrance towards God – (Eph 2:11-14) The Enemy wants to rob us of our right standing, so that through shame, guilt we loose our confidence and faith in God. Offense is satanic! It is void of God’s nature and the fruit of the Spirit. It separates! God gave His Son to reconcile us with Himself, He is the way, not your holiness and works. You originally came and made contact not because you were holy, but because He sanctified you and called you close. Reclaim your access to God, the door is still wide open. He has not moved. (Heb 10:19)

5) Know you own boundaries – know yourself. Remain in grace. Often when we stretch our own boundaries of obedience, we enter into a dangerous zone, where the enemy can easily reach us, and trip us. For example, If you are an emotional person, beware of the people you allow into your life. You do not have to be friends with everyone. Do not go unless you are send, and do not help unless you are asked.

6) We can only be offended to the measure that you are insecure. Seek to discover and find the reason for offense in yourself, not the offender. Ask the question. “Why does this offends me so much?” If someone else told me this, it would have meant nothing, but when my husband said it, I was furious! Why is this? What is the root of the insecurity. We deal with insecurities by facing them, stop self-pity and wallowing, get going and do something about it. Improve what you are doing! Learn to get your identity and approval from God. Your life is hidden in Christ. (Col 3:2) Insecurities are areas in our lives where we are not yet mature in Christ. Discover Christ in your insecurities and let Him validate and vindicate you.

7) Keep yourself in the love of God, restore the joy of my salvation. We live by faith. The fruit of faith is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Once we have lost our joy, peace, we will loose our righteousness, and in the end that will lead to doubting God’s Love.

We justify the transgressional sin in our lives. We feel entitled to the anger, because of the wrong. It is in trails of our faith that these impurities of the flesh are revealed. God refines us as Gold through afflictions, trials, and tribulations, the heat of which separates impurities such as unforgiving, strife, bitterness, anger, envy, and so forth from the character of God in our lives. Isa 48:10 and 1 Pet 1:6-7

Characteristics of an offended person

– HARDNESS (Pro 18:19) It is rather hard to win and soften an offended person. When we retain an offense in our hearts, we filter everything through it.

– Love does not seek its own, but hurt people become more and more self-seeking and self-contained. Pr 18:1 ISOLATE THEMSELVES

– So an offended Christian is one who takes in life but, because of FEAR, cannot release life. 1 Joh 4:18 Fear is most of the time the root, fear of man, fear of suffering, fear of being hurt and rejected, fear of commitment and failure, fear of loss, fear of death. This fear blinds you, and filters out the entire positive perspective, and thus causes such a person to not being able to reason logically. The emotion hinders godly perspective, only looking at the rock of offense.

– STONE/Rock of offense. The wrong deed becomes the focus, we cannot see beyond it. When offended with someone, you feel you see a secret truth about that person (usually one aspect), and that everyone else is blinded. (Who sees the whole person, even with their mistakes, but also with their goodness) Offense DEMONIZE an aspect of a person’s life, to justify the total rejection of that person.

– ALIENATION OF THE MIND Col 1:21 (imaginary rejection)

– Their moral understanding is darkened and their reasoning is BECLOUDED. [They are] alienated (estranged, SELF-BANISHED) from the life of God [with no share in it; this is] because of the ignorance (the want of knowledge and perception, the WILLFUL BLINDNESS) that is deep-seated in them, due to their HARDNESS OF HEART [to the insensitiveness of their moral nature]. (Ephesians 4:18 AMP)

– void of the spirit of life, God breathe into dust, without His presence we become like dust again, no life, dead, lifeless, carnal.

– Offended people become DISCONNECTED from God. When we filter everything through past hurts, rejections, and experiences, we find it impossible to believe God. We cannot believe He means what He says. We doubt His goodness and faithfulness since we judge Him by the standards set by man in our lives. But God is not a man! He cannot lie (Num. 23:19). His ways are not like ours, and His thoughts are not ours (Isa. 55:8–9). If for some reason you are offended with God, (by questioning Him), it would in essence mean that He has to ask you forgiveness. This is a prideful. People often question “Where was God when…” God asks:” where were you? I have not moved.

– And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. —Mat 24:10 Let’s examine this statement. If we look closely we can see a progression. An offense leads to BETRAYAL, and betrayal leads to HATRED. a Betrayal in the kingdom of God comes when a believer seeks his own benefit or protection at the expense of another believer. The Bible states clearly that anyone who hates his brother is a murderer and that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him (1 John 3:15).

– RETALIATION – Jesus being crucified never retaliated. (1 Pet. 2:21–23). Read and study Joseph’s life, “I served my master with honesty and with integrity for over ten years. I’m more faithful than his wife. I stayed loyal to God and my master, daily fleeing sexual immorality. What is my reward? A dungeon! Ps 105:18 yet because Joseph endured in faith and obedience Gen 50:19–20; Rom 8:29

– LOOSE YOUR PERSONAL REVELATION and faith in Jesus. John the Baptist at conception received the spirit, was personal witness to the Father publicly endorsing His son. Yet when left in a prison, because of standing for truth, he became offended at doubted that Jesus is the Messiah. Mat 11:3, 6.

– UNFAIRNESS – http://youtu.be/lKhAd0Tyny0 You feel ENTITLED to your judgement, bitterness, anger and resentment.

– Offense SABOTAGE you from the SUPERNATURAL Mark 6:1 first he did powerful things… His family is offended… v5 he could not do any mighty works… He marveled at their unbelief. You cannot initiate anything supernatural when in the wrong camp. Favor brings an atmosphere of faith, offense is anti favor. Disgust, contempt, judgement, criticism leads to dehumanization, leading to demonizing, and ultimately rejection, alienation and in the end murder and death.

– OFFENSE IS A SPIRIT Mat 16:21 – far be it from you Lord… Peter in a few verses previously saw Jesus as the son of God, yet he interpreted this revelation as earthly rule and glory… He did not see the road of suffering. What Jesus was saying was against his expectation. “Get behind me satan.” Peter’s expectation was wrong and satanic. We think earthly. From the perspective of dust. Jesus expose satan working in Peter’s heart.

– TRIALS AND TESTS locate a person. In other words, they determine where you are spiritually. They reveal the true condition of your heart. How you react under pressure is how the real you reacts. It is in trails of our faith that these impurities of the flesh are revealed. God refines us as Gold through afflictions, trials, and tribulations, the heat of which separates impurities such as unforgiveness, strife, bitterness, anger, envy, and so forth from the character of God in our lives. Isa 48:10 and 1 Pet 1:6-7

Being offended at God

There is no legitimate reason for us to take offense. These following examples of people had a valid reason to be offended, but they did not. Mat 5:39-45 These are the true sons of God. We find TEKNON used in Romans 8:15–16. It says that because we have received the spirit of adoption, “the Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children [teknon] of God.” When a person receives Jesus Christ as Lord, he is a child of God by fact of the new birth experience. (See John 1:12.) The other Greek word translated sons in the New Testament is HUIOS. Many times it is used in the New Testament to describe “one who can be identified as a son because he displays the character or characteristics of his parents.”

God told Chantál: “Are you angry at Me?” No answer… “If you are angry at me, then you expect Me to apologize?” Oh Lord, what arrogance and blindness we have! God is never wrong! He does not need to explain Himself. (His thought is not our thoughts Isa 55:8-9) Many people say, where is God, where was He when that happened? God is always there, and He didn’t move. But we moved away. We took our eyes of Him, and started looking at the storm.

Biblical accounts of offense:

Some of these characters had reason to take offense against God, but they did not, and their faith was counted to them for salvation. God is a good God, and wants our ultimate good, bringing us into rich fulfillment. (Ps 66:12) Yet what He does, doesn’t always make sense at the time, it is only later that we see His hand and protection.

  1. God asks Adam why he disobeyed. Adam blames God for “That woman you gave me,” causing him to sin (Gen. 3).
  2. God doesn’t accept or receive Cain’s sacrifice. Cain is angry with God for not taking his sacrifice. He kills Abel.
  3. Noah is ridiculed for many years after God tells him to build a gigantic boat on dry land. His obedience led to ridicule and slander.
  4. God tells Abraham that he will be the father of nations (That is also what his name means). He must wait until he is 100 and his wife is 90 for the son that he was promised.
  5. Joseph had reason his brothers deliberately wanted to kill him. (Gen 37:20-21) Joseph refuses to sleep with the wife of his boss. Jilted and angry, Potiphar’s wife accuses him of attempted rape and Joseph is sent to prison for years. Joseph was innocent in being put in chains in prison (Ps 105:18)
  6. Moses reluctantly agrees to go back to Egypt and speak to Pharaoh. Pharaoh increases the work on the Israelite slaves so that they are beaten. Their lives now more difficult than before, his own people curse Moses for doing what God told him (Exodus 5).
  7. Job suffers, unknowingly participating in God’s bet with Satan that Job will not curse God if his blessings are removed.
  8. Daniel thrown in lion’s den while in his 80’s.
  9. David anointed to be King, runs from Saul for 10+ years. Rejected, betrayed, sleeps in caves (1 Sam. 19-30). Saul sought to kill David, David looked to Saul as a spiritual father from greatly loving David (1 Sam 16:21) to wanting to kill him, “and Saul ‘eyed’ David from that day forward (1 Sam 18:8-9) Yet David’s heart did not turn into offense (1 Sam 24:11-13) who can stretch out his hand against God’s anointed (1 Sam 26:11)
  10. The angel Gabriel said to Mary, “Greetings favored one!” Joseph wants out of the relationship. They both must receive the stares and shaming from family, friends and relatives.
  11. John the Baptist, Jesus cousin, dies an ignoble death in prison. (Matt. 11:4-6). John was in prison because he spoke out against Herod’s illicit relationship with his brother’s wife. He was not given a Godly command to do this, else he would not have been offended in prison. When God gives you a command, and you suffer as a result there is grace to endure. Like Paul being send to Rome. He knew the danger, but was fearless. In the end Herodias ensure John’s death, because of her own offense being corrected publicly.
  12. Jesus’ states his mission is to “proclaim liberty to captives,” (Luke 4:18). But he leaves this sentence out when answering John (Matt 11:4-6)
  13. Jesus tells us to visit prisoners but we have no record of him visiting John (Matt. 25:39-40).
  14. Knowing our tendency to get offended, he says, “Blessed is he who is not offended by me.” (Matt. 11:6)
  15. Jesus heals on the Sabbath knowing it will offend the religious leaders (Mark 3:1-6).
  16. Jesus calls a foreign woman a dog. She overcomes the offense, comes after him and receives a miracle (Mark. 7:24-30).
  17. Jesus ruins the economics of an area when 2,000 pigs are drowned (Mark 5:1-20). He is asked to leave.
  18. Jesus is often frustrated with people and tells them, i.e. “O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me” (Mark 9:19).
  19. Jesus curses fig tree when it was not the season for figs (Mark 11:12-14).
  20. Jesus tells observant Jews they must eat his flesh and drink his blood. “This is a hard saying, who can listen to it?” “Do you take offense at this? Then what if you were to see the Son of Man ascending to where he was before?” (John 6:52-66). The truth offends, some departed, but the disciples remained “you have the Words of eternal life” (Joh 6:60, 61, 66)
  21. Because of his trust in His Father, Jesus allowed himself to be offended, betrayed, rejected, humiliated and tortured to death. “Father forgive them for the know not what they do” (Luk 23:34)
  22. Jesus expects that he will make us stumble and be broken. “But he looked directly at them and said, ‘What then is this that is written: The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone’? Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, and when it falls on anyone, it will crush him’” (Luke 20:17-18).

These Biblical accounts show that much can be learned as they and we walk through the struggles of offense. In the midst of offense, we can wallow in self-pity or trust in our Lord God to make it right in His time, however long it takes. Remember, we are not looking for God to prove His love through our circumstances, the Cross of Christ proved God’s love. It may not seem fair, but there is purpose, His purpose in allowing offense. We’ve died to ourselves, our life is now lived with and for God. (Galatians 2:20) We may grieve our loss, but we don’t cry for ourselves, but for those who hurt us who don’t know how to love.

Nothing demonstrates that we’re not dead to ourselves like offenses. Wrestle with offense, placing it at the feet of God. Ask Him for wisdom. He may require you to wait. In the meantime, practice praising and thanking God for what you do have and not focusing on the loss. But let Him vindicate you, waiting for His miracle, His work as you press forward in faith, trusting. For God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. (Hebrews 11:6)

The way of the Kingdom is our escape Button

Love is never selfish, never quick to take offense. 1 Cor 13:5

Proverbs 19:11 “A man`s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”

When Jesus dies on the cross he exclaimed: “Father forgive them for they do not know what they do” (Luk 23:34) Why did he not say: “I forgive you” He made intersession for the people, asking God to not hold His death against them. Jesus is love! Jesus is forgiveness. This is the crux of the life He taught: Love your enemies, Pray for those who spitefully use you, Bless those who curse you! (Mat 5:43-44)

When we intercede for someone in prayer, God restores His love in our hearts. This is how He heals us from taking offense. He gives us compassion for the offender. We do not live anymore; we have been crucified with Christ. (Gal 2:20) We do not accuse someone before God. When intercede, we put our self in their shoes. This is when we will begin to see what God sees, a broken heart, and a heart needing a Savior!

Offense in essence is a lack of love, our hearts have turned. But by praying and interceding for our offenders and enemies we gain God’s heart, we see as He sees.

When His love floods our heart, we forgive and surrender everything to God. Faith is restored in Love. (Rom 5:4)

Mature in not taking offence easily

This being so, I myself always strive to have a conscience without offense toward God and men. (Acts 24:26) Paul incapsulate spiritual intelligence beautifully in this verse. 

We cannot help that people betray, reject, falsely accuse, wrong, treat you unfairly or sin against you.  The Bible only have ONE response to any of the above transgressions: Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. (Luk 17:3) Unfortunately most people are outstanding war strategist but pitiful warriors. We rather gossip, slander, revisit the scenes of attack, over-analyse someone’s error towards us, than confronting it.  This is all shadow boxing!! It means nothing. No one is changing their behaviour or wrongdoing! No process towards maturity is achieved, thus we remain stuck in an automatic cycle of childish behaviour.

The only Biblical Judgement is confrontation. 

Speaking the truth in LOVE. Be accurate in speech.  NEVER STOP ENGAGEMENT!! We give up too quickly, without reciprocal resolve.  Continue to come back for 2nd, 3rd and 4th session of talking through all the random thoughts, explaining, clarifying, until EMPATHY and COMPASSION appears in all parties heart!

There is no transfer of knowledge or messages without empathy!

Communication is always two-way – both parties get the chance to be honest and real. One way communication is about the power-struggle, adversarial, winner takes is all, I’m right you wrong, manipulative victory for the one. Biblical communication is – revelational – victory for both!

PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS WHEN ENGAGING IN AN ARGUMENT

  • We cannot deal with anything if we have not experienced the offence first-hand.
  • We can never discuss anyone behind their back without them being present.
  • A mediator can only mediate between parties if both accept, respect, and trust the neutral nonpartial fair mediator.
  • No communication leads to presumption.Allow parties to state their official position or stance concerning an issue emphatically.
  • Be specific, not “some people say”, use two to three witnesses. Mention exact time and place, describe an incident.
  • Do not moralize personalities that cannot change or insult one another’s character. Stay focussed on a specific behaviour, finding context, and motive.
  • When losing the argument do not raise your voice, improve your argument. When someone is raising their voice, it is because they do not feel heard by reiterating your version of what you understand they are saying solves the urgency.
  • Keep yourself from childish behavior and manipulation.Tantrums, stamping feet, losing control, shouting, cursing, threatening.
  • Do not generalise, using words like always, never, all, no one etc.
  • Do not dramatize, exaggerate or minimize.
  • Do not justify or become defensive. Instead, return an accusation with a question to listen, to clarify, or explain the context.
  • Do not move from the point and launch a new attack.
  • Ask permission if a compassionate theme can be discussed. People’s shame or embarrassment is holy ground.
  • Blocks to listening: Mind reading, judgement, interruption, advising and problem-solving, and the need to be right. Instead, ask: “Is this what you think?” or “do I understand you correctly?”
  • Don’t defend an attack with an attack. Instead, say, “I disagree with your statement because…”
  • Do not compare people in an argument, “You are just like those…”

NEVER TAKE OFFENSE

TAKING offense removes you from the active battle – you become passive victim or prisoner of war.

Aanstoot neem: weersin, teensin, teësin, teësinnigheid, afkerigheid, wrewel, wreweligheid, wreweling, wrok, toorn 771, haat, afkeer, aversie, renons, hekel, verpesting, verfoeiing, afsku, verafskuwing, afgryse, walging

vervreemding, verwydering[1]

Researchers have defined offense as a feeling that is “triggered by a blow to a person’s honor” because it contradicts a person’s self-concept and identity (Poggi & D’Errico, 2018).

One of the most common reasons people take offense is insecurity.

“If a person has a strong self-concept, the less likely s/he will choose to take offense.”

Jewish therapeutic process for offenders

  1. recognition of one’s sins as sins (hakarát ha-chét’),
  2. remorse (charatá),
  3. desisting from sin (azivát ha-chét’),
  4. restitution where possible (peira’ón),
  5. and true confession (vidúi).

5 R’s of Therapeutic Process the Offender needs to take

  1. Recognition – You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom. (Ps 51:6) Seek UNDERSTANDING – true repentance occurred when the offender deeply understand and see the damage and pain that was caused to the victim. Forgiveness is easy to give, when one recognize that the offender has understanding of the “why” and “cause” of the error and sin. David prayed the following phrase in his repentance of adultery: “Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, And in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom” (Ps 51:6)
  2. Remorse – you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing (2 Cor 7:9) Tears of change and enlightenment, not of regret. Some people cry not because they are really sorry about their sin, they only regret being caught. The tears of regret is an awful deception, because the desire of self/sin/death has not yet fully conceive, and we still want to sin. (James 1:14-15)
  3. Restitution – Then Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord, I give half of my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold.” (Luk 19:8) Physically repair and fix what has been broken. Do what is necessary for the offended victim to be healed. What do the victim need to be done.
  4. Remodel – if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new (2 Cor 5:17) TURN – 180 degree turn and walk away. Abandon the sin. You are more than a sinner. It is not who you are. “yet not I, but sin…” (Rom 8:20) You continue to walk away from sin, and transgressing against people by grace through faith.
  5. Repent – Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.(James 5:16) You cannot demand forgiveness, you have no rights or privileges. Your have to earn trust and respect. Say: “Would you please forgive me?” The victim has the right to initially refuse, and when ready give forgiveness. You cannot ask forgiveness and use the word “but”. This is not forgiveness. Except full responsibility for your actions. You partner cannot be blamed if you disobey God, you chose to disobey. Adam blamed God: “It is the wife you gave me” Eve blamed the snake. (Gen 3:12-13)

Arthur Gillis tips for Communication in CONFLICT

  1. Hear me
  2. Even if you disagree with me don’t make me wrong
  3. Acknowledge greatness
  4. Remember to loving intention
  5. Tell me the truth with compassion

Simon Sinek – The best way to confront someone

Have practise all 3 steps in random order.

  1. Say exactly how they made you feel.
  2. Share the specific action that made you feel that way.
  3. Explain the impact of their actions.

“When you walked out of the room, it make me feel completely humiliated and I fear that If you will perhaps make me feel that again I will struggle to trust you again”

Be silent… wait for defensiveness…

Repeat.

Until accountability is taken for specific action.  [2]

Nonviolent COMMUNICATION A Language of Life

  1. The concrete actions we are observing that are affecting our well-being
  2. How we feel in relation to what we are observing
  3. The needs, values, desires, etc. that are creating our feelings
  4. The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives [3]

Being defensive will make you loose the battle.

We feel not heard and become frustrated, then angry, then bitter because we did not express deeply how we feel. 

  • I felt excluded.
  • I felt powerless.
  • I felt unheard.
  • I felt scolded.
  • I felt judged.
  • I felt blamed.
  • I felt disrespected.
  • I felt a lack of affection.
  • I felt uncared for.
  • I felt lonely.
  • I felt ignored.
  • I felt like I couldn’t be honest.
  • I felt like the bad guy.
  • I felt forgotten.
  • I felt unsafe.
  • I felt unloved.
  • I felt like that was unfair.
  • I felt frustrated.
  • I felt disconnected.
  • I felt trapped.
  • I felt a lack of passion.
  • I felt like I couldn’t speak up.
  • I felt manipulated.
  • I felt controlled.[4]

Self-defence techniques TO REPENT

  • Suspicion, investigative… believes the worst
  • Loose your sense of humour
  • Take it personally
  • Pulse goes up
  • Suddenly, I don’t understand anything; IQ-lost
  • Want to be right at any cost
  • Want to have the last word
  • raises the voice
  • Get very talkative to show you’re right
  • Explain endlessly/educate/preach
  • Play the victim
  • Get rigid and inflexible
  • Deny
  • Withdraw/back-off
  • Make unappropriated jokes
  • Think that “I’m” special/unique
  • “This is the way I am – I can’t change”
  • Blame other people
  • Get tired sleepy
  • Intellectualize
  • Get very kind and likeable
  • Don’t listen – or hear only what you want to hear.
  • Attack – seen as the best defence
  • Get resentful; stick to your opinion for a long time
  • Start to do other things in the office than the work – passive resistance
  • Start a new subject of offence
  • Emotional manipulation – trying to get pity.

[1] De Stadler, L. G., and Amanda De Stadler. Groot Tesourus van Afrikaans 1994 : n. pag. Print.

[2] https://fb.watch/9fQUGaKd1s/ Simon Sinek – The best way to confront someone  

[3] Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. Nonviolent COMMUNICATION A Language of Life https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/product/nonviolent-communication-a-language-of-life-3rd-edition/

[4] https://www.gottman.com  (The Gottman Institute)

Please visit the following website https://honorshame.com/  which explains how we struggle to hide our SHAME by boasting about some other attribute or good-deed to preserve our honor.  It is like someone who has been found guilty of a horrendous crime but tries to keep face by defending the little honor that we have left.  

Cultures often become entrenched in shame-honor systems due to a variety of historical, social, and psychological factors. In such systems, an individual’s worth and reputation are closely tied to their ability to maintain honor and avoid shame. This can create a cycle where people are constantly striving to protect their honor and avoid shame, often at the expense of others.   

In the book “Ministering in Honor-Shame Cultures” by Jayson Georges and Mark Baker, the authors provide valuable insights into the complexities of effectively communicating the message of Christianity in honor-shame cultures, emphasizing the significance of understanding and respecting the cultural dynamics of honor and shame. Their work underscores the importance of presenting the Gospel in a way that resonates with the values and sensibilities of such cultures, promoting reconciliation and dignity through a Christological perspective.